|What's Going On?|
Redbox Synopsis: An A-student's life is turned upside-down when inappropriate status updates and photos appear on her online profile. Soon, she learns that even her life is in danger. (not rated, 90 minutes, No closed captions*)
*Although my screenshots have captions, those were generated by a program on my computer. There are no captions watching this movie on DVD, Bluray player or PS3.
Redbox Deception: Mother was originally titled Social Nightmare when it ran as a made for TV movie on the Lifetime channel. If you think Daryl Hannah ever picks up a knife in this move, think again. I don't know why they would give away who the "bad-guy" is in this film by the cover and name change.
Fun with this movie and spoilers below the fold. And lets face it, if you are worried about spoilers for a Lifetime Movie with Daryl Hannah on the Cover titled Mother, you need to start watching better movies. I swear to god, do not email or tweet me to gripe about spoilers. If you think anything doesn't happen in this movie you didn't expect to happen, you should stop watching movies altogether.
More Below the Fold
Before I get started on this crapfest, let me say I hate reviewing Lifetime movies. You've heard the jokes a million times: women are always the victims; the men are to blame and technology/the internet kills teens. I assume the last narrative exists for the sole purpose of scaring old people. Any Lifetime movie featuring a teenage girl as the protagonist could easily be retitled, "This is EXACTLY what is happening to your granddaughter RIGHT NOW!!111!!" None of that is really funny, it's all true of course, but it's nothing you haven't read before. I was going to skip the review of this film, but I got to thinking...
NASCAR is the fastest growing sport in the country. High-speed car chases broadcasted live from a helicopter generate fantastic television ratings for news networks. It tells me people enjoy watching either precision driving or reckless driving. A large portion of American's take the bus but no one wants to watch that on TV. Why am I discussing American's tastes in spectators sports vis-a-vis automobiles and mass transit on a post about movies? Tarantino, Nolan, Cohen Bros, or Fincher film's are auto racing; performed by experts, fast moving, dangerous, but in control. Indie horror films are high-speed car chases; high speed and fun at first but they always end poorly. Lifetime Movies are the mass transit of the film world; not exciting, not sexy or dangerous but take you exactly where it you expect to go every time in a slow, unexciting, unimaginative and predictable manner.
Lifetime movies are all done well from a technical aspect. Good continuity, competently shot, no glaring errors, but horrible acting and terrible dialog from one B list star collecting a paycheck and no real imagination. If there is nothing else on, people watch them and forget them 5 minutes later. That works as a review for any Lifetime movie.
So rather than breakdown this film or give it a review no one will read, I thought I would have a little fun with Mother. A few things that struck me as funny. I would screen shot more of this movie's hokey dialog, but that post would be outrageously long and the liquor store closes at nine. Instead let's key on a few points I found extremely idiotic and then drink til we forget this film exists.
One of the most unique/stupid things about Lifetime is they cant/won't pay for, nor would any legit company allow, to put real products in their sh!tbag movies.
|Jodi's Lemon Cooler paid handsomely for this product placement|
|Wow, that is impressive, you actually made something that looks like a popular social networking site|
|I mean, I can't believe Facebook actually let you...oh, BuddyME. Tom woulda let you use MySpace. You couldn't fork over the .28 cent royalty for Friendster? What a give up. On the other hand, Monty's desert video does look soooper wickkid|
|This is an actual picture of the first time Chloe Bridges read the script|
|Take that, President Taft, you fat bastard!|
To sum up the plot, the blond girl, Cat is running for Student Council President against the brunette, Emily. Emily retorts with a familiar campaign slogan. Shortly after her BuddyME account and cell phone get "hacked". She is smeared/exposed to the school as a hypocrite, backstabber, liar, whore, etc. In the second act the student body reacts by... Eh, just look:
|When you've lost the Lifetime Channel, you've lost the country.|
**A reader pointed out that Daryl Hannah is involved in this film and if you know anything about her politics, she is nutty. She may be angry at Nixon, H.W. Bush, Taft and Obama for not outlawing ceiling fans or fire extinguishers or something equally ridiculous.
Of course, a Lifetime film isn't a Lifetime film without a cartoonishly mean-girl, insensitive guys and "witty-suggestive banter"
|Ya know who's worse at sexual innuendo than teenage boys? Lifetime movie writers|
|Well that was convenient|
|Sup gurl, I be straight up be hacking this Buddyme file, yo|
|My mistake, this guy is a definitely "full-on computer genius"|
Whoever wrote this is obviously computer illiterate. It's obvious to me and I barely know how to use Twitter.
|This guy designed Healtcare.gov|
For the next 60 minutes more "hacking" continues as Cat's private life and social media is exposed or manipulated to ruin her chances at the Ivy League as her friendship with Emily.
While this film looked to be about the dangers of social media, the big "reveal" in this is that Daryl Hannah was sabotaging her daughter's academic career because she is obsessed. This might have been a surprising twist if Redbox hadn't renamed the film Mother and put Daryl on the cover holding a knife. Way to go Redbox!
|Let me go! You can't do this to me! I was in Splash, damn-it!|
Overall: Have you not been reading this post?
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Update: Daryl Hannah hates firearms, get yours for free today
This post was all in good fun and not meant to offend. My sincerest apologies to all honeydaddies, old people and William Howard Taft
SOCIAL NIGHTMARE - Trailer from Richard Vialet on Vimeo.