Bad Movies at Redbox: Watching the very worst Redbox has to offer so you don't have to

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

2013 Bad Movies at Redbox Awards


Well thanks to all my readers in this, Bad Movies at Redbox's inaugural year. It's been a fun year with tens of readers. Loyal reader's know that this site doesn't review studio releases that have just made it to DVD, rather indie films and straight to DVD films that may be diamonds in the rough. It's time to compile my list of the years best and worst Redbox had to offer in 2013. Quite an undertaking and needless to say, I wasn't able to do it on my own. I assembled a panel of experts to help me decide. On the first anniversary of my little site, here are the awards:

The Catagories are:
  • Worst Movie at Redbox 2013
  • Redbox Deception of 2013
  • Best Film Concept of 2013
  • Comic Relief Performance of 2013
  • Best Male Lead of 2013
  • Best Bad Movie of 2013
  • Movie of the Year 2013
  • Best Death Scene 2013
and of course...
  • Hott Hottness Award of 2013

Lets meet our nominees after the fold...
Before I get to the nominees, lets meet our judges panel who'll choosing this year's nominees:

My neighbor who thinks she's being haunted by the ghosto of Billy Mays
My Mailman

The guy who works at Lids in the mall that call's everyone "son"

Miami Dolphins Place kicker Garo Yupremian
Now that you've met the panel, lets meet this year's nominees.

Worst Movie at Redbox 2013- This category is for films that you couldn't pay me to sit through again. This selection was the worst Redbox had to offer.

Actual line from the movie, "If you are a family member of a CIA agent and are in trouble, call this number: 1-800-CIA-HELP." Shifter was one of many 10 year old Romanian films renamed and marketed as new releases by Redbox.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D This once proud franchise was reduced to a barely thought out plot in shot and 3D for a quick cash grab.

6 Degrees of Hell: This film was supposed to mark the start of Corey Feldman's "big comeback". You tell me how that worked out.
 
This Lifetime film feels like it's 3 hours long and Redbox spoiled the "twist" by changing the name and movie art.
Darkness: The Teen Vampire Saga: Another Romanian film. Romania doesn't make films anymore.
 This movie was ridiculous and felt like it belonged in 1997.

Biggest Redbox Deception of 2013- Redbox Deception is when Redbox either releases knockoff films similar to films in studio, older films renamed or selections of multiple films renamed and posing as a movie.



































This was an obvious attempt to cash in on the Twilight/True Blood vampire craze. Sadly, Emmy Booth would not reply to requests for comment. Believe it or not, the movie poster on the left was the original.
 Redbox takes Half Moon films, puts the middle in and shows it as an anthology were nothing is resolved and the films have a tenuous connection to each other. What amuses me about this film is reading the comments on the Redbox site. It's mostly outraged fathers thinking they're renting a film about dollhouses.

Zagman50 wrote: this movie is totally inappropriate for my 11 and 14 yr. old daughters. Nothing but sex and garbage when we thought we were getting action and horror. I want my money back!!!

The Dead Reborn: See Haunted Dollhouse.


 
This steaming turd was originally called Social Nightmare. It was, I assume, a film made to scare old people about the use of technology by teens. Redbox changed the name to Mother and put Daryl Hannah on the cover to market it as a horror film. There was a twist at the end. Can you guess the twist at the end? Can you figure out who the killer was in a movie called Mother? Hint: It's the psycho looking woman who plays the mother holding the knife.


Best Film Concept of 2013

I love the idea of blending J-horror with noir. BDH was budget limited, but I'd love to see this get another try.
One camera first person viewpoint of the main character for nearly the entire film. Also, all serial killers should be played by Elijah Wood

Saturday Morning Massacre: Someone finally made of a live action Scooby Doo with a real dog, tits and violence. This was way better than the version with Mathew Lillard.

V/H/S: Anthology films died around the early 90s. I loved Tales from the Crypt, Twilight Zone and Tales from the Darkside. The sequel also came out at Redbox this year so maybe it's catching on again. Also nevermind that you rented a film called V/H/S on DVD.


Comic Relief Performance of 2013

Keith Malley- She's Crushed: I still quote this guy on a daily basis

Chris Hayes- The Crying Dead: Dude flatout nailed the smarmy reality TV host

Marty Thomas - Killer Holiday: I often introduce myself as Wild Jack

 Ross Noble- Stitches: I want to see a prequel of this film of Ross performing at children's birthday parties
 
Frank Ashmore - Bigfoot: The Lost Coast Tapes, I want to go camping with this guy
 Joe Estevez Axe Giant: Guy's a Mench


Best Male Lead 2013 
This is a pretty competitive category, but since my readership is 99% male and 75% of that 99% come here for pictures of Hott Chicks I went with twitter handles instead of pictures for this category for two reasons:
  1. They all seem like solid dudes so you want to follow them on Twitter. 
  2. No freaking way was I asking these guys for selfies
Anyway, the following were guys that stepped up shined in 2013:



Rib Hillis: 616:Paranormal Incident
No doubt Rib portrayal of  Agent Jack Freeman as a douche made him getting eff'ed to death by sexy zombie nurses the best death in 616: PI. Look for Rib in the upcoming Redbox movie Haunting of the Innocent costarring with Bad Movies at Redbox's own, Jessica Morris (more on her later). Follow Rib on Twitter HERE
 


Henrik Norlen: She's Crushed
I loved Henrik as Ray as the target of obsession. This movie was intense and Ray was played perfectly. Ray's accent was impressive for a Euro and I hope he gets more American work. He's in a ton of upcoming projects so check out Henrik's IMDB page. You can follow him on Twitter HERE

Jeremy Ivy: Hayride
Jeremy's was one of the best parts of this film, he comes off with an earnest screen presence much like Barry Pepper, and Barry Pepper is awesome. Make sure to watch for Jeremy along side Sherri Eakin in the upcoming Hayride 2. Follow Jeremy on Twitter HERE

Brian Koldziej: Creep Van
Creep Van is a an American horror comedy and horror comedy is tough to pull off unless your lead is likable, relatable and funny. Brian was on of the big reason this film worked. Brian doesn't have a twitter I could find a twitter handle and I can't find any upcoming projects. Brian's has great range and timing. I really hope we see him again.

Drew Rausch: Bigfoot: The Lost Coast Tapes
I reviewed this film thinking I would hate as much as Harry and the Hendersons. Bigfoot just isn't scary or funny. But Bigfoot: TLCT was a gem of a film and Drew made this film work, unlike John Lithgow. Drew's been doing TV lately including a role on the great Shameless but look for Drew alongside Julianne Hough in the upcoming film Curve. Follow Drew on Twitter HERE
 

Justin Armstrong: The Ouija Experiment
Again, a movie that should have been terrible ended up a really fun and scary film. The cast in this was a big reason why and Justin, particularly stood out. Justin's in some television shows and starring in the upcoming The Devil's Girlfriend. Follow Justin on Twitter HERE
 

Best Bad Movie of 2013
These are films I couldn't recommend to my readership as recommends, but I truly loved watching these films:

This is such a perfect blend of b-movie, it was truly endearing.


616: Paranormal Incident. I especially loved this one because the writers gave up on the concept half way though and just phoned it in. Oh, and the Kylie Johnson nude scene.


Full Moon did do somethings right in 2013. Namely, putting Masuimi Max, Nikki Leigh, Alex Rose Wiesel and Anna Sophia Berglund in lingerie and let them run around for and hour and 20 minutes.

Jessica Morris running around in an asylum makes a good b rate.

The Museum of Minimalism nailed it

The Crying Dead. I though it would be another, creepy kids movie. It wasn't


Movie of The Year The Best Movie Redbox had to offer this year, solid films in their own right, regardless of studio or budget

This film is a hidden gem of campy horror, dark comedy and obsurd humor wrapped up perfectly into one film. Who says America can't make a solid horror comedy?
She's Crushed isn't a novel concept. Actually it's basically the plot of Fatal Attraction except the violence and gore is ramped up to downright uncomfortable levels. Somewhere near the end of the second act, this film goes from intense to outright disturbing. She's Crushed is what every horror film should strive for.

Abduction of Eden is a terrible subject matter that no one wants to believe exists, much less watch a movie about.

Best Death Scene 2013 This should be self explanatory



That isn't what she meant when she said she wanted to be split from behind by a big one
Tonya Kay- Creep Van
She looks good and can beat you down too. God, that is awesome.

Nikki Leigh- Unlucky Charms
I don't have a clip of this so here is a picture of Nicki in her underwear.
 Becka Adams-The Crying Dead

You can kinda see it in the trailer

 
Hott Hottness Award The most popular part of my website. Take a look at the years winners. I am convinced that putting pictures of these gorgeous women on my site was responsible for at least half my traffic this year. From all of 2013's previous winners (link above), these six finalist are the very Hottest of the Hott featured on this site (and one's who haven't filed restraining orders at the time of this post). This was the toughest selection process. Below are the finalists:

Emmy Robin: I Didn't Come Here to Die

Emmy was smoking in I didn't Come Here to Die. The Tent scene made the movie. Emmy was in Machette Kills and an indie called The Red, The Black and The blonde: God $ave which is an awsome title, but I can't find the film.
Sheri Eakin: Hayride
Sheri is set to reprise her role as Amanda in the upcoming sequel, Hayride 2. She was the best part of the first and I am can't wait to see what they do with a larger budge in the sequel.
And in 2014 look for Sheri in the horror film Freshwater with Zoe Bell.

Photo Credit: Aaron Woodall Photography 


Jessica is the only three time winner of the Hott Hottness Award in 2013
Make sure you check out Jessica in the upcoming Haunting of the Innocent co-starting Bad Redbox Movie's own, Ribb Hillis.

Tonya Kay: Creep Van
Tonya had one of the the best death scenes all year. If you haven't seen Creep Van, that scene makes the movie. Make sure to check out Tonya's sight HERE, she has a ton of cool projects coming up. I can't wait to see Within the Darkness.  Tonya's Horror Haiku still gives me nightmares.


Natalie Dickson: She's Crushed
Natalie's performance in She's Crushed was downright chilling, yet I found her extremely hott in that film.
Make sure you keep an eye out for The Highschooler's Guide to College Parties that should be out soon.

And Natalie's in a film called The Jogger. Oh, and no photo credit on these because Natalie is awesome!


Jill can be seen in the upcoming SafeWord. I have no idea what it's about but she will be playing Bernardetta which is a very confusing name but I'll be watching it.

Well, those are are nominees. Look for winners to be announced shortly...

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